martes, 27 de octubre de 2009

"Paradoja de la Inmortalidad buscada"

"Downtown" - Henri Cartier-Bresson - 1947
___________

Las noches de este tiempo, transcurrido entre los amargos sabores de la nicotina y el alcohol, me inspiran una muerte lenta, una crónica de mi propia inmortalidad sujeta a las estéticas lúgubres de un rojo viscoso y de fuertes sabores, aterciopelado, cercano al azabache.

Me pienso años atrás y me reprimo segundos después... ahora... en este instante. Así es, el infierno ganado es la perpetuidad de un presente inerte que no da pie a los sueños, ficticios o no, de un futuro posible. Soy el fin de mi Historia, soy la ausencia de proceso, de evolución o involución. Soy la perpetuidad de los instantes amargos que cada ser humano siente y de los cuales pretende escapar; a veces conciente, otras mintiéndose... pero escapando al fin y al cabo.

Instante.... ¿qué es un instante?... Me defino como una fotografía en blanco y negro, noir, de amarillos contornos desdibujados, cubierta por una capa de historias polvorientas ajenas a mi, cercana a mis espectadores que de vez en cuando giran su cabeza y lanzan algún comentario sobre mi propia existencia, como si les perteneciese de alguna extraña manera, haciéndome sentir que incluso esta ya no es de mi propiedad. En sus pasos levantan partículas que me cubren marcando las horas y los días de mi inmutabilidad que niega a morir. Quizás es la única marca que señala la fluidez de un tiempo ajeno, propio de ellos. De esta manera voy perpetuandome sin cambios consistentes, simplemente siendo... en un inmutable mundo de grises formas y silencios abrumadores, perdiendo mi condición social... humana.

¿Qué es un instante?... ¡mi infierno ganado!... ¡Qué increíble la manera en que ciertos conceptos difieren para cada especie de esta fauna!... He traspasado el espejo circunstancial en donde los entes se detienen en tiempos particulares para echar un vistazo sobre si mismos con el fin de reconocerse, entenderse o simplemente reflejarse sin mayor complejidad. Yo, simple y perfectamente habito en él.....

De esta manera la cofradía de observadores pasa frente a mi levantando miradas hirientes, a ratos benevolentes, otros tanto con un dejo de envidia... envidia que no es más que el propio reflejo de la que siento yo, en especial cuando pierdo mis fuerzas y me dejo vencer dentro de lo vencido.

¡Maldita perpetuidad, te entendí mal, nunca te quise así!...El rojo me llama cada vez más seguido, cobrando significados que pocos entenderían, solo los pares, los partner... los míos... simplemente, los de “El Solo”...


Y yo sólo quería existir eternamente,
pero no ser un mero instante...
Insisto, ¡Qué paradoja!...

El Solo, Primavera de 2009.

39 comentarios:

PALOMA AUSENTE dijo...

Las noches de este tiempo, Max, perpetuando una agonìa dibujada en blanco y negro, ardiendo en rojo aterciopelado, queriéndote a ti mismo y no queriéndote, sabiéndote grande y pequeño, dibujando tu mismo tu soledad inconclusa y angustiante.
Me cuesta hablarte ahora sin que se humedezcan mis ojos, no sabes cuánto te entiendo profundamente, cuánto me duele lo que te duele a ti, cuánto de tu vida quisiera ver transformada en cielos claros y luminosos, en alegría, en esperanza.
Yo no soy nadie, pero sí, estoy segura, Max, no soy una mera expectadora en tu vida, no puedo ni quiero serlo, ya no podrìa serlo nunca después de haberte sabido humano, hombre, íntimo.
la vida es un constante cambio, y tú eres vida, vida poderosa.

Te quiero, Max.

Cuenta conmigo, siempre.

"Nos..."

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ROSARIO GONZÁLEZ VERA dijo...

Vine a verte, Max, no sé en qué mundo seguirás existiendo...a veces, sólo a veces, "te hecho de menos".


PALOMA AUSENTE

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